getsciencedone: (That was sarcasm you know)
GLaDOS ([personal profile] getsciencedone) wrote2014-05-08 01:49 am
Entry tags:

Nice Job Breaking it, Hero

[This is a letter to the heroes in Mayfield. Feel free to link to here if you want to have someone hand one out.]

Dear Hero.

Congratulations on coming to the town. By now you are no doubt halfway through your brilliant plan of saving us all. We’re all thrilled. After all we’ve been doing nothing but sit around here and wait for someone like you to rescue us.

In case you couldn’t tell. That was sarcasm. I’ll pause for a moment for you to go and get someone to explain to you what that means.


Now then, no doubt this letter will have to be read twice. Once when you first get it, and if you’ve made it this far without just throwing it away in your no don’t self assured sense of self worth, then I’m somewhat impressed. And a second time, possibly weeks later when you realize that this isn’t just a waste of your time and you’ve failed miserably.

So let’s get to some object facts then.

1. If you just thought of it, people have most likely already tried it. Contrary to what you no doubt believe, people other than you do have brains, and they do use them once and a while. Especially when trapped in situations they’d very much like to get out of. Ask around before you start demanding why we haven’t stormed town hall, fronted a full on attack or whatever else you can come up with. Chances are, we've already tried.

2. You are not special. If you do something wrong, you will be droned. No matter what you think about your ability to avoid this. It isn’t true. Try it and find out.

3. Don’t tell people they’re not trying hard enough to get out. You’ll just get killed. Oddly enough people don’t take it well when you insinuate they've been doing nothing about their fate.

4. You might say you’re the chosen one. Please sign your name on this attached list. It’s a list of other people who have claimed the same thing. We’ll leave you all to figure that one out. Preferably somewhere away from the rest of us.

5. Doing something is not always acting like an idiot. Waiting is doing something. Even if that’s not “exciting” enough for you. So if you say, doing something is better than doing nothing, you are wrong. By all means get yourself killed every day or do more obvious things that show you’re trying to escape. Maybe if we’re lucky you’ll be droned for good and we won’t have to listen to your whining.

6. If you manage to get inside a building that was locked to us, and happen across something that looks interesting, don’t destroy it before trying to figure out what it is.

7. Don’t give us a list of everything you’ve saved over the years. None of that applies here and we don’t really care.

8. Not all problems can be solved by blindly attacking something. Or blowing it up.

9. If you decide to take the law into your own hands and attack and or order people around based on your own set of beliefs, you will soon find yourself shunned and hated and possibly killed by the rest of the town.

Hopefully with this information you will be able to change the idiotic mindset you have at the moment. Doubtful, but now we can say we tried.

Have fun dying, hero.

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